How to lose everything and still be happy

I'll bet you American singer-songwriter Pharrell Williams was none too Happy about being ordered to pay the late Marvin Gaye's family $7.5 million after a jury found that his song, 'Blurred Lines' infringed on Gaye's hit, Gotta Give It Up. No doubt, Williams and his co-defendant, Robin Thicke, had to be upset over the court's decision. But that's how happy-ness is.

Happy-ness is circumstantial. It lifts you up when things are going well, and lets you down when they're not. Happy-ness is like a drug addiction. There's that initial 'high' you get when you use for the first time. But then to duplicate the same 'high' you have to keep increasing the amount you consume. Before you realize it, you're addicted. Happy-ness is a drug some people need in order to function in life.

Happy-ness is fleeting. It can turn on a dime. Here's a common scenario. You get a raise on your job that you weren't expecting. That would make most people happy. But soon after your good news, the boss comes back and tells you that the company’s fortunes have changed and you will be losing your job at week’s end. Now, instead of thinking about all the things you could do with the extra money, you start to imagine all the hardships that lay ahead of you with no job and no money.

Happy-ness is an emotional roller coaster with ups and downs, unexpected twists and turns that can keep you off balance. Nowhere is the pressure to be happy more intense than in our relationships with others. Some people are fixated on needing to be happy, and trying to make others happy. Breakups and divorces happen when one or both parties feel the other no longer makes him or her happy.

It is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness. —Author Viktor Frankl

A Harris Poll survey revealed that two-thirds of Americans are not very happy. They blamed their unhappy-ness on external issues like the economy, job market, finances, college debt, government policies, particularly, cuts in services. In America, the Declaration of Independence gives us the right to pursue happy-ness. So, why are so many missing the mark?

I believe that we could boil it down to this: we are pursuing happiness, but we are going about it in the wrong way. For most people, their happiness depends entirely on good things happening in their lives. When things are going well, they are happy. When things are not going well, they are unhappy. —Pastor Greg Laurie

In her latest book, Choose Joy: Because Happiness Isn't Enough, author Kay Warren says choosing joy over happy-ness involves making a conscious decision of the will to trust God to handle the details no matter what happens. True joy is everlasting and not dependent upon circumstances. It's a spiritual quality that is internal. As Warren puts it:

Joy is the settled assurance that God is in control of all the details of my life, the quiet confidence that ultimately everything is going to be alright, and the determined choice to praise God in every situation.

I recently learned of a friend's breast cancer diagnosis. When she first told me about it, she smiled this big smile like it [the cancer] was nothing. Still smiling, she added, "God must think I can handle a lot." In addition to cancer, my friend has MS. That she could respond to her situation the way she did is a testimony to her faith in God. After a successful cancer surgery, my friend is now cancer free.

You can bet life will still have its highs and lows, ups and downs either way; but choosing joy over happy-ness helps you ride out the bumps and survive the bruises that come your way.

I am not complaining about having too little. I have learned to be satisfied with whatever I have. I know what it is to be poor or to have plenty, and I have lived under all kinds of conditions. I know what it means to be full or to be hungry, to have too much or too little. Christ gives me the strength to face anything. —Philippians 4:11-13 CEV